You know I acted like I was all excited for summer. And I was. Until I realized that I had to spend actual time with both my children together. Yes, I love my children. But only separately. When you put them together it’s like parenting a pair of angry killer apes. Their sole motivation for waking up each morning is to think of ways to make life as miserable as possible for eachother.
“MOM…Oscar took a sip out of my cup!!”
“MOM….Shelby’s smiling at me!”
“Kids…GO PLAY IN TRAFFIC!!”
I realized they’re probably just bored so before they started gnawing on the furniture, Barry and I decided to take them to Grand Forks for the day. Besides Shelby needing some new clothes (she is growing at the rate of my steroidal lettuce), I also wanted out of the war zone house to maintain what little sanity I have.
So with portable DVD player in the car, lots of water, and sedatives (just kidding), we set out for Columbia Mall.
Now, up until now, shopping for Shelby has been a breeze. I always figured she was switched at the hospital as a baby since she got none of my passion for pink frilly things or floral ensembles. She was happy as long as she could play in mud and roll around in grass.
Well, things have changed.
We went into a store called Raw Edge. Yes, she asked if she could buy a bra. No, I did not quite have immediate heart failure. Yes, she begged and said “it doesn’t matter if you don’t have boobs- that’s what tissue is for!” *gasp* *choke*
Then she found the sunglasses. “Mom, I want Paris Hilton sunglasses.”
“But Shelby, your head is the size of a peanut.”
“Motherrrrrrrrr!!!!” she exclaims in embarrassment since I obviously didn’t care that there were a bunch of little Miss Thang 13 year olds around us.
Nothing in that store was even close to fitting her, since she’s 3 foot nothing and about 50 pound soak n wet. So off to the kids section in Target. What a relief. And luckily, there were no black skull Avril Lavigne shirts or Gwen Stefanie bustier tops there.
So what if she has to wear cute little Bambi overalls for the rest of the summer??
I’m rather enjoying my new role as mother from hell.
