Small Humans Crack Me Up

This blog was written February 9. 2006

Most people are picky eaters when they're kids, but my son deserves an award for it. I don't know what to do!!
He dips his carrots in mustard and his grapes in ketchup. He demands hotdogs for weeks on end. My idiot brother suggested "well, just give him hotdogs everyday, he's bound to get sick of em..."
AHAHAHAHA.....heh...hmm.
He WILL eat that alphaghetti stuff. If it's shaped like Scooby-Doo or Bob the Builder. (this changes weekly as he likes to shake things up now and then).
I tried to convince him that chocolate pudding would do JUST fine when he wanted his vanilla pluddingggg sooooooo bad. Then the big sad tears came and he looked at me like I told him his teddy bear was going to hell.
He will eat nothing of the green variety no matter how big and strong I tell him he will become. He then defiantly tells me he doesn't care to EVER be big and strong.
Ahh well, the child has his own personality, there's no doubt about it. He chose to take Polly Pocket dolls to pre-school for show and tell today because he figured Kayla and Delilah would like them. PLAYER!

HAHA...he just walked by me nonchalantly and said "hey mommy, I'm batman."

I know baby. I know. giggle giggle. Oh to be 4 again.

Sleepovers are for LUNATICS

This blog was written January 29. 2006

My 8 yr old daughter Shelby, had 2 friends sleepover this weekend. I know that I was probably a little ridiculous at that age...but MY GOD... did I smoke too much crack while I was pregnant?? I swear, the girl's sensical thought processes have either left, or were never really there to begin with.
A few examples of overheard Shelby and friends talk:

"I would marry Derek, except he likes cheese WAY to much, and like, I can totally NOT handle that."

"My Dad is like a body builder. Seriously, he would lift cars if he had to, but so far, he hasn't really had to all that much."

"When I turn 13, I get to do whatever I want. Go on dates, or like, hang out at the store, and probably even go to the bank to get out money to buy whatever I want."

"If I would have gone to Hillary Duff, I would have like totally booed her cuz I know that I can sing ALL her songs better and I even have a microphone as proof. And besides, her teeth are so fake."

I am so glad that Oscar, my 4 yr old son still has a grip on reality. Every night when I kiss him goodnight, he looks up at me with the most beautiful big brown eyes, and say "goodnight mommy, you're a beautiful princess". Smart little boy.

(Disclaimer : For those who do not get my sarcasm, I would NOT ever smoke crack or do any type of drugs EVER.)

Our New Baby

This blog was written August 30, 2006

Yesterday, after months of begging from my offspring, I went to the Humane Society. A tiny beautiful baby named Deelia picked me out instantly (I didn't even keep looking at the other cats) and it's been insane love ever since.



She sleeps all afternoon and plays all evening. She is, by far, the best of all my babies to date. I can't believe I let a stupid allergy get in the way of my love for cats for the past 10 years. I intend to be a very good mommy to my Deelia.



So her full name is Deelia Aurora (Shelby's pick) Whiskers (Oscar's pick) Graham. Even my own Mother couldn't resist her as you can see in this little video..
..>

So, yeah, congratulate me. I'm so thrilled! And now, I'm going to go eat a Mars bar and watch Octopussy with my new baby.

Take a Walk with Heather

This blog was written September 23 2006

As you all know how I love to brag about the beauty of the area I live in. Fall is no exception to this, so tonight I decided to take a stroll down to the end of my street to another sort of street/path that borders a bushy, overgrown little forest that edges the river. It is one of my favorite places to walk when I need to de-stress or just feel at peace. And, as I said, it is especially beautiful in autumn.

About halfway along this cute little wooded area, if you walk in a little ways, you come to a clearing where lies an old (probably haunted), abandoned mansion. The story is, it was left in a hurry, never sold and everything inside is as it was the day the occupants took off. Creepy. And cool at the same time.

If I had any sense of adventure or didn't have irrational fears of bears, monsters and Emily Rose, I'd love to go late night exploring with a flashlight and of course, my camera!

So, while it's still daylight, I continue on my trek down the end of the steet, and I pause at a home and wonder, what kind of people live in a yard where they dangle or put all sorts of weird things on their trees? Including a ceiling fan. I'd like to meet them. Maybe.

I continue "across the tracks" a.k.a. "the Emerson ghetto". Here I spy all kinds of lawn ornaments or human facsimiles. I love those fat one-dimensional bent over farmer people.

I bravely move forward, as this yard intrigued me alot and I was so glad I had my camera along or I would not have gotten this shot of cardboard Santa, some elf dude, some baking chic, and little troll guy. I would have gotten more of the interesting home-made, metal, cardboard animals and odd tire-art in the rest of the eccentric, oddball yard, but I suddenly heard someone lurking in the workshop and figured I better get the hell out of there before they weld me into one of their one-dimensional farmer ladies.

I raced back home from my exciting little excursion, and back to reality to the sight of my own backyard and wondered....WHO IN THE BLUE HECK IS GONNA HELP ME RAKE ALL THESE LEAVES???!!!

Dear Kindergarten teacher,

This blog was written on August 23, 2006. And I'm still having trouble sending my little angel out that door. WHEN DOES IT GET EASIER????

Dear Kindergarten teacher,

In 2 short weeks, I will hand my precious baby son over to you for 2-3 days per week.

Now, granted, I'm not comfortable at all with this, I realize that it is the law that my 5 year old superhero, attend school.

I thought you should know a few tidbits about my sweet little Oscar before you mold his mind for the future. First of all, it's no secret that Oscar will not be winning any Pulitzer Prizes for his intelligence level. He knows that sharks only eat every 2 months, but he misses 7 when he counts to 10.

He may come across as shy and sensitive when you try to talk to him, but he's a bit of a player and tends to act the mysterious, silent type among females. (Plus the fact that he can't pronounce his F's and S's tends to frustrate and embarrass him, so please be sensitive to that.)

He hasn't mastered shoe-tying, belt buckles, pudding lids or buttons, so discreetly give him a hand (to avoid embarrassment) and make sure he has his sandals on the right feet!

Oscar has never experienced bullying (other than his big sister who he can put up a pretty good fight with), bad words, or been around highly misbehaved children. Please shelter him from the boys who talk about farting, push each other in lines or dare each other to eat worms.

And finally, Oscar still loves kisses and cuddles and calls his Mommy a beautiful princess every night when I tuck him in. I know this won't last forever, so please excuse the overbearing, overprotective, psycho Mommy who walks her baby into the school every morning, and have plenty of tissue, and kind pats of reassurance on the first and perhaps second days of school.

Good luck and take excellent care of my little prince charming,

Heather Graham

P.S. Feel free to program my home number, cell number and all relative's, friend's numbers (in case Oscar needs a kiss or hug), on the school phone speed dial.

Who wants a TV dinner???

January 16, 2007

My Dad is what one might call an original homesteader. He was the 6th child to be born in 1934 right on the farm on which he (and our family) lived most of his life. The house he was born in, was later converted into a rickety old garage and I used to marvel at the thought of how he survived in those days. You know, the truly 2 mile walk to the tiny one room schoolhouse in any and ALL conditions. The disgusting old outhouse that he still enjoyed to use much later in life as he took his paper out there and watched the beautiful sunrise. Weirdo. He had no TV. Shared a telephone line with 8 other homesteads. He used handmedown torn up clothes and dropped out of school in the 9th grade to help out on the farm.

This morning, my daughter asked me what my favorite movies growing up as a child were. I explained to her that I only saw a few due to the fact that we only had 3 channels of TV, no VCR, no DVD and no money for movie theaters. I was 14 before a VCR came into my home. 12 for a microwave. Cell phones? Ridiculous. Of course not. And this brought out all sorts of questions from her as to what I lacked as a child growing up. And she, as I had done to my father, marvelled in awe at the hardships I had to endure. It got me thinking, what kind of questions will her children ask her about how bad SHE had it growing up? I mean really, how much better can it get for this generation?

Geez, well, umm....let's see, I didn't get a blackberry til I was 14, and umm....we didn't have Tivo so we had to watch our shows at the programmed times!! No remote car starter, only a 32 inch screen TV WITHOUT surround sound, omigawd! Oh and it was awful, we had a simple video game system called a PS2 that could only play DVDs. Heartbreaking.

Ask my Dad if he was happy growing up and he'll fondly reply there was no better time in his life! He played cards, and lots of baseball.

Ask me and I'll probably reply the same. I didn't play video games or watch movies. I played outside with turkeys, cornish hens and cats.

I wonder, is technology making our ability to sustain happiness on our own, virtually impossible? When are we going to stop wanting more?

Mother's Day 2007

So, I had a brainwave. If I can figure it out, and you know I'll stay up until 3 am trying, I am going to import my blogs and posts from my myspace, facebook and youtube accounts. That way, I can get this thing going.

Being the pyscho internet junkie that I am, I think it shouldn't be a problem. Hey, what's one more website to look after??

I even got my poor Barry hooked on the facebook thing. We're such children.

So anyways, keep an eye out for a bunch of blogs coming in. They'll be from the past couple years, but I'll try to get the right dates on them so they're not too confusing.

Until then, here's some pictures from Mother's Day.